I combed my hair carefully, keeping it neat. My clothes were my usual rags, but I was keeping myself ready to look neat and clean at short notice.
Sitting on the floor next to my cot, I thought back to time I’d gotten that children’s book I gave away to Shuba.
That lady…she’d be long gone, of course. After all, this was several hundred years ago… I hope she got to have a child of her own. She really treated me well…
It has been weeks since the royal gifting ceremony. In that time, I haven’t had any further contact with the prince. Surprisingly, Arirala didn’t seem to show up with any more ideas on the matter either.
“Kano!”
“Huh?” I was quite sure I heard a voice outside call my name. “Who is it…” It couldn’t be Arirala again, could it? “Ugh…please let it be anyone but her…”
I peered outside, frowning. “Who’s out there? Go away.”
“Ah, sorry!” the vague figure of a blonde boy came into view in the distance.
“Huh? Shuba?!” I stepped out of my hut as he approached my hut on his maraga.
Dismounting her and tying her to nearby tree, he beamed at me. “Good morning! I came here bright and early today so I’m at maximum energy! Happy to see me?”
“Happy…?” I was still frowning at him, too surprised to even bother masking my true feelings. “What are you doing here? Isn’t this just going to cause more problems?”
“I got it all sorted out!” Shuba beamed at me as he unloaded a bag off the maraga’s back. “Have you eaten yet?”
“…No…” I peered curiously at what Shuba had brought. “What’s that?”
“Well,” he seemed shy as he took out a large jar. “Here, this is…in thanks for the gift you gave me.”
I blinked at took the jar full of what looked like jam. “…what? It was a birthday gift. Why are you giving me something in return?”
“No, I mean!” he fidgeted. “I also brought some other stuff… let’s have a picnic here!”
“A what…”
“I’ve always wanted to have picnics like people in the stories!” Shuba’s eyes twinkled. “Sitting outside and eating while surrounded by wildlands sounds so FUN!”
I couldn’t take my eyes off the jam as I opened the lid and sniffed it. The familiar scent made me jump. “Falaho jam…spiced?” I looked up. “…And don’t people who have picnics usually do so in parks or other manmade nature spots?”
“Maybe…” Shuba shrugged. “But if I’m here, I can have one in the true wildlands, right? That’s more fun!”
Closing the bottle of jam, I watched as he excitedly set up several blankets in the unkempt grass near my hut, beyond the small circle I maintained. He arranged all the food he had around in the center, including a pitcher of howa juice and some traditional buns to eat with the jam.
Confused, I ended up going along with his plan and settling down on one end of the blanket, still clutching the jar in both hands.
“Ah,” Shuba noticed I was holding the jar. “Can you taste that for me? I made it myself!”
“Huh?!” I set the jar down, opening it. “You made all this jam yourself?”
“Yes!” he scratched his ear shyly. “I really wanted to make it something you’d like. I noticed a lot of repurposed bottles of falaho jam in your hut. It’s a common street food, isn’t it? I didn’t want to have the chef make it the way we eat it. So I… I asked around the staff and… one of their mothers has a jam stall in town. So I got the recipe from him for spiced falaho jam.”
“…Thanks,” I took a bun, split it, and put jam on both sides.
Shuba watched me intently as I took a bite.
“…Hmm,” I chewed thoughtfully. “You did fine.”
“So that’s…good, right?” he seemed nervous. “Or just fine like… only mediocre…”
I didn’t answer. It had been so long since I had this jam, but the nostalgic flavors of the spices hit me all at once.
“W-well, anyway, dig in!” Shuba began eating some of the food he’d brought. “O-oh…and about that book…”
“Hmm? Did you like it?” I tried my best to sound indifferent.
“I loved it!” he blurted out wide-eyed. “It took me so long to translate it but, all those stories… they’re kind of… really different. They talk about times and traditions from such a long time ago. Nothing today is the same anymore. So even if those stories are for kids… reading them… it’s all so fascinating!”
“Translate?” I blinked.
“Hmm? Yeah, it’s in really ancient Humro, right? I couldn’t understand any of it.”
I froze. It’s been…so long since I read anything here… I hadn’t even realized the language changed that much.
“Kano?” Shuba peered at me. “Are you okay?”
“Mm?” I looked up, chewing on the bite I had in my mouth. “I’m fine, I’m fine. I’m…quite glad you liked it. It had just been sitting with me for a long time. But I’m happy it’ll be actually used now.”
“I promise I’ll treasure it,” Shuba took my hand and patted it. “I don’t know…exactly what that book means to you. But somehow, I can tell it’s not just some book. So, I’ll make sure to treat it with importance.”
I stared at him wide-eyed. Am I really so transparent? This is unnerving… “Th…thank you…”
As we continued to eat, a comfortable silence settled between us. The sun danced on his face gently through the trees as he ate his food daintily. I watched as he displayed all the signs of good royal training.
“Eh?” Shuba glanced at me when he noticed me watching him. “What’s up?”
“I just thought that…despite how you speak and behave sometimes, when you sit and eat like this, you look like a royal.”
“Hmm, do I? Perhaps, it was easiest to teach me things like this,” he mused. “After all, it’s hard to train someone like me, isn’t it? When I’ve always been so sickly. Maybe that’s why I don’t seem so refined most times.”
I stayed quiet. There’s a loneliness in his voice that I can understand. To have something that made you different, less capable, or looked down upon – I knew what that was like.
“Which do you prefer though, hmm?” he smirked. “Do you like the refinement of trained royalty or the unrestrained childlike charm of my real self?”
I cocked an eyebrow. “You sure sound full of yourself right now. …but… well, I’ve never been one to like the way royals do things. It’s always very stiff.”
“Isn’t it?” he beamed. “So useless! I’d rather be free of that!”
“Then…” I tilted my head. “Which version of me do you prefer? Me right now or the way I looked at the ceremony that day?”
“Huh?” Shuba looked me over. “Well… I prefer your behavior be honest. Your facial expression… looked so vacant that day. I prefer it when you look mad, surprised, annoyed, and all the other expressions you show when you’re here. And your clothes don’t need to be so fancy…but… I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think you looked good in them. But even so... it’s just… you feel warm when you’re just you. And… I like that.”
I didn’t quite understand what he found so warm or likable about me, but I didn’t question it. Instead, I quietly reached for another bun.
“Oh,” I looked at the box where the buns were. “They’re over.”
“Huh?” Shuba glanced at it, and then the jar of jam. “…Kano…you didn’t even touch anything else did you? You only had the buns and jam.” He giggled. “Did you really like it that much?”
I frowned but kept quiet.
“You’ve even got some on your face,” he giggled some more as he reached out and wiped it off. “You’re kind of a messy eater, aren’t you?”
I grumbled. “Quiet, you. I’m just a picky eater, that’s all.”
“Here,” Shuba took out a spoon and gave it to me. “I don’t know if you have any utensils, but you’re going to need this probably.”
“…Huh?” I took the spoon in confusion.
“What, you don’t want to keep eating the jam straight from the jar?” Shuba smirked at me.
“What do you take me for, a child?” I crossed my arms but didn’t return the spoon. I didn’t want to admit he was right.
Shuba looked like he was thoroughly enjoying himself, smirking from ear to ear. “What do I care if something is childish? Even you admitted I’m not the most adult-like or refined! I don’t mind the things you like. If you want, I’ll make you another jar of jam next time I visit.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” I huffed. “How often are you even planning on visiting? People will start to notice, you know.”
He waved a hand carelessly. “I’ll figure it out. It’s not like I’ll visit every week. How about… the next time I visit would be roughly around when that jar of jam is emptied. That should take you a couple of weeks, right? I’ll bring you a new jar at that time.”
“Wait, wait,” I raised my hand to stop him. “Can you please tell me what you’re up to? I don’t want you doing anything careless. We could both get in massive trouble.”
“Oh…” Shuba fidgeted. “Well… I always put a Do Not Disturb sign on my door at night, and today I left it on in the morning. But instead of going for breakfast, I slipped into a staff bathroom, changed into a disguise, and left. Since I’m most energetic in the morning, I should be able to stay here for a bit and head back before anyone suspects anything.”
“I see…” I frowned. “That might work a few times, but every time, you’d risk being seen heading into and out of the staff bathroom.”
He shrugged. “It’s not a perfect plan, but desperate times need desperate measures.”
“You can’t possibly be saying you’re that desperate to see me.”
“I’m desperate to get out, Kano,” Shuba spoke very seriously and determinedly. “If I don’t spend some time away from the castle and with someone else, I will lose my mind.” He sighed and lowered his eyes. “I know it’s unfair of me to involve you in this though. So…if you don’t want to be that person I spend time with, then…it’s fine. I understand.”
“No, that’s…that’s not it,” I scratched my neck, unable to understand or verbalize what I wanted. “I mean… I guess it’s fine like this… if you think you have it under control… I think…” I didn’t even know what I was saying anymore.
Suddenly, I was keenly aware of how long it’d been since I’d interacted with someone normally, as a friend. I felt nervous. Even if I knew one day, he too, would inevitably consider me a monster or want nothing to do with me, I wanted to hang onto this for now. It reminded me of that time all those hundreds of years ago with that kind lady.
That time too, I wanted to stay with her. The relationship was a little different since I was a child. But I really did want to let her adopt me.
But instead, all I did was run away. And all that remained was that book and a small jar of falaho jam.
Isn’t it funny that whenever something like this happens, it involves someone giving me a jar of jam?
“Hey,” Shuba leaned closer and peered up at me. “It’s fine, then, right? If you’re fine with this, and I’m fine with this, then you don’t have to worry so much. Okay?”
Why…why does he sound so soothing right now? It’s like he’s comforting me… I hate that he always seems to read me so accurately.
“…Okay,” That’s all I could manage to say in reply.
“Ah!” Shuba straightened up. “For next time, do you mind if I leave the picnic blankets here? It’ll mean I have to get less things next time.”
“Okay,” I answered passively.
“Is there anything in particular you’d like to eat next time?”
“Huh?” I blinked. “I…don’t like anything hot. It makes me uncomfortable.”
“Hmm…” he pondered this. “Then… got it. I’ll bring a meat salad pie next time. And of course, plenty of buns and jam. Did you not like howa juice though? I made it for you because you had some last time. I would’ve brought falaho juice but I thought that would be too much falaho flavor.”
“…I only had it because it’s abundant here. If I have the option for something else, I would have that instead,” I tilted my head, confused at why he was taking note of everything so diligently. Perhaps he hadn’t realized that as long as he brought the jam, it didn’t matter to me what else he brought. I would be happy with just that.
But even so…it’s very kind of him…it’s a strange feeling for someone to want to do something I’d like. Should I be reciprocating? How do I do that?
“Next time, I will make something too,” I spoke up on impulse. “So uh… wait, that won’t work, since you can’t give me advanced notice…”
Shuba blinked, looking surprised. Then he beamed. “Yes! I want to taste something you’ve made! Then…how about this – unless some last minute problem comes up, I will come here exactly two weeks from now. …Oh, that doesn’t mean you need to rush to finish the jam by then. I’ll bring a new jar regardless!”
“Okay, then I’ll make something on that day,” I spoke determinedly, but I had no idea what I would make. However, in this moment, I didn’t want to show him that. Even for a moment, I wanted to appear capable.
“Hey, should we walk around here?” Shuba perked up. “I’ve always wanted to experience a place like this, that’s so wild and unkempt. And with you, it should be safe, right?”
“If you want,” I got up. “Though, I don’t quite know what’s so interesting about that.”
Shuba got up excitedly as well, and followed me as I walked ahead.
“There’s really not much to see here,” I gestured as I spoke. “There’s a lot of trees and overgrown plants. Watch out for fallen branches. As you can see, all these bushes are howa bushes.”
“Wow, there’s so many!” Shuba plucked a berry. “Is it safe to eat like this?”
“It’s safe but tastes terrible. I wouldn’t recommend-”
“Ack! So sour!” Shuba scrunched up his nose and puckered.
“…I warned you.”
He simply giggled in response.
As I walked on, I arrived at the clearing. “And there’s a lake here.”
“A lake!” Shuba ran toward the edge and peered in. “It’s so pretty!”
“You think so? I’m sure they have more beautiful ponds on the castle grounds,” I stepped closer in case he started to fall into the lake.
“Nah, those are all the same,” Shuba waved a hand dismissively. “You know, just a bunch of neatly laid out stones filled with water. You never get all those uneven curves, the wildflowers growing at the side, the large stone over there that you could sit on…all those fun inconsistencies of nature.”
“You really prefer disorder over order, isn’t it?”
“It’s not disorder, though, is it?” Shuba leaned forward some more. “It’s like every element has sprouted up there for its own orderly reason. Maybe the flowers grew there because they got good nutrition and survived. Maybe the curves formed because of the way the water flows or the way the rains washed them into place. And all together… it forms a picture that we can’t really recreate. And neither can nature. If you look at a different lake, you’ll find a different picture.”
Listening to him speak, truthfully, I still didn’t see any of this as amazing. But, his enthusiasm was rather touching. If anything, his wonder at the simplest, most mundane things was what was amazing. I wondered how he would react if I could show him all the things he was missing in the world – or even the universe. What kind of words would he use to describe those? I wanted to know.
“Let’s keep walking!” Shuba straightened up.
We walked on in relative silence – no words were exchanged, but the whole time, Shuba was humming to himself. I recognized what he was humming to be a children’s nursery rhyme. It had a vaguely familiar sound, but I brushed that thought aside.
As we reached the picnic blanket again, Shuba began tidying up. “I should head back now. It’s better to be on the careful side and not stretch it too long.”
“Yes,” I helped him clean things up, holding the folded up blankets to keep safe.
Shuba mounted his maraga and put on his riding mask. “Then, see you in two weeks! I look forward to whatever you make.”
I watched as he rode off, keeping my eyes on him until he was no longer in sight. Then I walked back slowly, hugging the blankets to my chest absentmindedly.